-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 8:13:00 AM ----- BODY: Some changes are coming to this here little slice of heaven of mine. Nothing as drastic as a redesign... least not yet, as Im still working on that. Just a little tweak, a little nip and tuck here and there... to make the old girl a little more presentable. That is all... you may go.
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 12:48:00 AM ----- BODY: Well... I think the initial shock has worn off. Please excuse my outburst the other day... but the potential to not have any income whatsoever, first what I thought, and even the still possibility of not having it after January... took over my fingers, and the result is what you see below this. Im still going through a lot of the emotions I mentioned before... but theyve settled to the point I can manage. My mother told me the other day that shes been crying a little... cause it wears heavy on her, that neither of her kids are in very good shape right now. My sisters predicament is a long one and only relates to mine, in having trouble paying the bills. She also has a family to provide for, unlike me... taking care of two people I would kill you all for, my niece and nephew. Moms just sad it seems neither of her children can seem to catch a break... shes doing what a mom does, worry. Today... well since its past midnight, now yesterday was very nice. Thanksgiving provided a much needed break, if you wanna call it that, from earlier this week. Excellent food (since my moms the best cook in the world, nyah)... surrounded by family... and just a little gorging... made the day a good day, in my opinion. Hopefully I can carry some of that with me for the next few days... cause I have a plan. I have a plan to keep myself afloat... two business-like relatives of mine listened to what Im thinking about, and both agreed it was good and could definitely work. No details yet... as Im still working out the kinks, and its not some spectacular new idea no ones ever thought of. Its actually quite common... and its really all I got at the moment. The hamster is running his wheel in my head... lets hope he has some good endurance.
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 1:51:00 PM ----- BODY: Yknow, for a while... I didnt honestly think things could get much worse... I really thought getting laid off, having my career cut off for no good reason, was a pretty big low. Of course not the lowest I could be... but still a pretty big low. Until today, that is... The before mentioned call to the unemployment office and the info dealt to me, that I described as a shock to my system... prompted an actual visit to the office, to make sure I heard them right and/or find out if they made a mistake. All my fears were validated by the guy in the window telling me I have one week, equal to $141, left on my unemployment claim... which means after that week, my benefits are done... gone... all over with. The old story about six months of unemployment, and then a six month extension based on your status... is a myth... a fabrication. Least thats the way it was explained to me. I dont know what to think right now... I dont know what to feel right now. I never thought it would come to this, I honestly never believed it would reach this point. Call me just a little naive... but Id hoped for a little better than this. Im not dead in the water, by any means... I have back pay in freelance money, that if I base on my unemployment benefits, I can live for two more months... till January. I dont know what comes after that. Im scared... more than Ive ever been in my life. Im pissed off... Im depressed... Im determined, more than before... theres a rush of so many emotions, I dont know what they all are. I know I'll never be homeless, thanks to some loving parents... but this is some low point to hit, aided by some spineless fucks who did this to me... punctuated, of course, by my own mistakes. I am, by far, not the worst off I could be... and definitely not as unfortunate as some, I assume. Im sure my problems are small in comparison to some. But right now, at this very moment... Im allowed to feel like this is really really bad... and wonder what I did to deserve it.
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 1:05:00 AM ----- BODY: Not much to say... cause Im not really in the mood to talk/type/whatever. Today was a bad day... a little shock to my system. As my mother keeps telling me... its not the end of the world, and I do believe that... things just got a little tougher after about 4pm and a call to the unemployment office. My mom, being the worrier she is... sent my Dad to my apartment, to check on me... cause she was worried. I cant say much now, cause I dont have all the details... its just been a shitty day for my already taxed emotional state. More later...
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 3:02:00 PM ----- BODY: Just a couple things... • Not too long ago, I hid two of my credit cards from myself... cause they were getting up there, and I didnt wanna run the risk of putting them over their limits by accident. Yesterday, I was thinking of paying for my lunch, with some friends, with one of the cards that had a little on it... but I must have hid them real good... cause I cant find either of them. • I forgot to mention... Tuesday I took the employment exam for the US Post Office. Think I did alright, I'll know the results in about 2-3 weeks... but the 2.5 hours I spent taking it could easily be considered a new form of slow torture. On the bright side, I think I scored extra credit... cause I actually have a small handgun. • In all my sitting around my apartment sending out resumes and follow-ups, playing video games, watching TV and putting off freelance work... I forgot to finish up the picjournal of my events last weekend. Itll be a little out-dated... but by my timetable, I should have it up by Dec 20th. • Could someone lend me $200... it might actually take less than that, but I wanna have some a little spending cash... cause theres someone I really wanna visit in Columbus?! • Im still hoping to make it outta this town someday... but since its cheaper to live here, than it is to live in Cleveland... I have to stay here till the odds of actually salvaging my career get a little better.
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 2:48:00 AM ----- BODY: Could someone please tell me what kind of fucked-up world we live in... when an over 200lb. 19 yr. old girl decides to sue McDonalds because she ate there on a regular basis, and got fat? Is common sense really something you have to learn? Catching that story on TV just a few minutes ago... almost makes me wish common sense could be beat into people. This one actually describes the situation better... although its not specifically about the two kids I just heard about... the basis is the same. Jesus... with logic like this, I have got one whopper (no pun intended) of a lawsuit brewing against Little Debbie... for not telling me that stuffing icing filled chocolate covered cakes down my throat on a regular basis in high school, wasnt good for my health. I should make a list... theres so many people I have to sue now... for not telling me on their packaging, that Im really stupid. I mean, cmon... its people like this that are the reason theres a warning not to use your hair dryer in the shower. Course, now that I think about it... Id love to be as fucking stupid as the old lady who got 3 mil for not remembering that coffee is hot.
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AUTHOR: J
DATE: 8:08:00 PM
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BODY:
Im just gonna let this picture speak for itself...
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 12:54:00 AM ----- BODY: Well... a good time was had in Cleveland Friday night... something I definitely needed considering the situation. Hanging out with the best of friends... having a few drinks, but only a few... some very good Indian food (at the suggestion of my best friends girlfriend)... some loud music... yknow, the usual you might think invloved in a good night out. The later hours of Friday night were spent in an all too familiar situation, when my best friend John is involved... that being sleeping on uncomfortable furniture. Was planning on spending the better part of Saturday with another good buddy of mine, the web guru himself Daniel Merk who was gonna show me some stuff... so I figured the best idea was to stay in Cleveland for the night. The only piece of real furniture John has though is a light blue loveseat... that is too small for even a 5' 8" guy like myself, as past experiences sleeping on it were just bad. The prospect of crashing at his place might have been a little disheartening... but I was recently relieved when his girlfriend moved in with him, figuring shed have some respectable furniture. Now that relief was somewhat justified, as she did in fact have more comfortable furnirture than he does... but not by much. She has a (very) old fold-out couch... that takes almost half a dozen normal people to carry (from what she says). Now I cant say I had the most relaxing sleep of my life... but it was a far cry better than the pure horror, and pretzel-like back pain inflicted by that evil loveseat owned by my best friend. Her couch provided adequate sleep to get me to Saturday... which was spent hanging out with Merk. Little web related discussions... little food... and some vanilla lemonade. Yes I said vanilla lemonade... which was surprisingly very fucking good. If only I could have brought my futon with me, to get me through the night... and gotten rid of my inherited mothers sense of direction, which kept getting me lost... those two days would have been close to perfect. Ah... prefect-schmerfect... was still a couple of good days... and hopefully I'll get my picturejournal of the weekends events up soon.
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AUTHOR: J
DATE: 4:08:00 PM
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-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 12:49:00 PM ----- BODY: Something thats usually good for a laugh or two... sometimes three... is something I prolly shouldnt do. That something being... not wearing my glasses. See... I have this pair of prescription eyeglasses I should wear, as I have astygmatism in both my eyes. In my case, it means Im not far-sighted or near-sighted... everything around me, no matter the distance, has its own little blur. Its not very bad... which is how I can manage not wearing them, almost at all. Not wearing them though... does make for a good laugh occasiuonally... as I mentioned before. The other day, I launched IE to obviously surf... and my default page is MSN, so I usually skim through the headlines... to keep up on current events. Im pretty sure it was Monday... cause some headlines highlighted the severe storms that hit Ohio, and the surrounding states. I just glanced over the page, and hit my favorites to make my usual rounds... when I noticed something and had to go back to MSN. The headline I read was Tornadoes kill 35 in 5 states... but I swear when I glanced over it, it said Tomatoes kill 35 in 5 states. See... a good laugh.
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 3:47:00 PM ----- BODY: I wonder what kind of point Ive reached at this moment... as I got kind of excited over the fact I could make $30,000 to $45,000 being a delivery driver for an appliance company.
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 3:06:00 AM ----- BODY: Im under the impression lately... that I go through sleep phases... or maybe its sleep moods... or something. For the longest time... Ive always had odd sleeping habits. I never get the same amount of sleep from day to day... even when I had a job. Some days I would go to sleep at a respectable time... and get, what many consider, a normal amount of sleep. Some days I wouldnt go to bed till the wee hours of the morning, even when I had to work the next day (ah the good ol days)... thus getting around 4 hours or less of sleep. Now this wasnt because of any deadlines or anything pressing... I just wouldnt go to sleep. This scenario is quite common for me. Ever since the lay-off though... Ive had an added bit of odd sleeping habits. I really noticed it around the time I was spending the wee hours of the morning playing Final Fantasy X... that god forsaken, yet intoxicating game. Id still get regular hours of sleep... but I had the time of day mixed up. Id play that damn game till around 7 or 8 in the morning... then go to sleep, and get up ranging from 11am to 3 in the afternoon. Even after finishing that game... I stayed with those hours of sleep, perhaps cause I was so used to it. After a little while I went back to going to sleep at a normal time... and getting my 4 to 7 hours of sleep. Again though back to my subject of sleep phases... lately Ive reverted back to my FFX sleeping habits. No good reason for it really... Id like to blame it on my recently acquired copy of GTA: Vice City, but I dont think thats it. Cant explain it... but Im sure in a couple weeks, I'll go back to something approaching normal. Course... till a few weeks after that, when I'll just go back again. Endless cycle... ugh.
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 2:30:00 PM ----- BODY: Today marks a milestone in my, seemingly, neverending search for employment in the design field... not a very good milestone, but it has to mean something somewhere. At 1:45pm today, I sent out an email to a small ad agency... after reviewing an ad they placed one of the websites I routinely check for job postings. 28 minutes later, at 2:13pm... I received an email in response, informing me the position was no longer available. Now Im not bummed at all about not getting the position or anything... its something Ive grown accustomed too over the last few months, considering the bad market. But today marks the shortest amount of time from sending out an email, applying for a postion... and getting a less than desirable response back. Not bad... although Id hate to think I could do better than that. Scary thought. Maybe I should go to WalMart and look at some stopwatches?!
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AUTHOR: J
DATE: 2:27:00 PM
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BODY:
What better way to ring in the last days of my tenth month being unemployed... by getting yet another form rejection letter in the mail?! If theres a better way... I dont know what it is. Can you feel that... can you? Im dishing out the sarcasm so thick... you could spread it on your morning toast. Mmmm... tastey!
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AUTHOR: J
DATE: 3:19:00 PM
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BODY:
Ive had two people mention it... so Im gonna set everyones minds at ease. I am, in fact, wearing pants in that picture.
That is, of course, unless you prefer I not have them on... for those people, Im wearing a tight speedo with chili peppers on it.
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AUTHOR: J
DATE: 2:25:00 PM
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-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 4:54:00 PM ----- BODY: In recent months... I have been known to make my own chicken pizza of varying tastes. The idea came from a suggestion earlier this year by a buddy of mine... who made his own BBQ chicken pizza on occasion. That idea struck me a very good one, as Im a sucker for a good BBQ chicken pizza. Ive made them here and there throughout this year... although not limiting myself to just BBD sauce as my main ingredient... besides the chicken, of course. My most common is using wing sauces of the resident Quaker Steak + Lube... whos sauces are available at my local grocery store. If you dont have a Lube around youre area... you suck, hands down... sorry. Making myself a little Lube sauce pizza was the case last night... as my good bud Marc stopped over at my apartment to help me with a little computer problem... and hes a fan of these pizzas I make, and I was in the mood for one anyway. Problem was though... I didnt have enough Louisiana Lickers sauce to cover my Boboli Thin Crust pizza shell. I then got the idea, with a little of Marcs help, to mix some other stuff I had in the kitchen to make enough of a sauce to make a pizza. The end result was a sauce made from Louisiana Lickers wing sauce, Woebers Hot + Spicy Mustard, Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing, Hellmans Light Mayonaise and couple good shots of Franks Red Hot Cayenne Pepper Sauce. Now you may be turning up your nose at this point... and even I had my doubts while adding and stirring all this shit... but it ended up tasting pretty good. I was originally just gonna use the Lickers sauce and the hot mustard... but I didnt have enough of either to do the job, so I just started adding stuff I had in the frig. Even I didnt expect it to come out... but it did. Wasnt any problem anyway... if it didnt come out, I was just gonna make a chicken pizza with some Ortega Mild Taco Sauce anyway.
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 3:48:00 AM ----- BODY: As I sit here, at almost 4 in the morning, Im struck with one of the things that sucks about being unemployed... not enough money. Not so much the lack of money to keep up with my bills... cause Ive been pretty good about that. Just the overall lack of money for just about anything else. Ive been working on a couple original computer-generated pictures for my niece and nephew... a somewhat personal gift for them, as I decided to do that per a lack of money to get them anything fancy. I was gonna straight draw the before mentioned pictures... another personal touch to the process, but I couldnt seem to get my groove down to draw them. I then resorted to the next obvious option for me... to do them on my computer. It takes a small piece of the personal thing away, in my opinion, cause Im not actually drawing them now... but its still something original, so I settled for this option. I also decided to print them out in small sections on my own printer... and piece them together, considering Kinkos would charge me almost $30 each to print two 18x24 pictures. Its based on an $8 charge per square foot... and 18x24 is three square feet of full color enjoyment. A new printer, by the way, as my old one died a month ago... and considering my need to print resumes on a weekly basis... I opted to take some money out of savings and grab a new printer. About an hour ago... I finished printing the sections for my nephews picture... and as I grabbed the last section from the tray, I noticed a little red flashing light. My fucking printer is running out of ink! Most likely from the odd number of resumes Ive printed out since getting the printer, of course... but why now? I havent even begun printing my nieces picture sections yet... and now, if I wanna finish this, I have to spend money I dont really have to get another set of print cartridges. I thought about just taking her picture to Kinkos and having them do it... as $24 for one 18x24 picture is less than what Id spend on printer cartridges. Problem is, I'll need the printer cartridges sometime anyway... when my next need to print out a resume comes around. Fuckety-fuck-fuck... look at Frosty g... oh... sorry, lost my train of thought. Man... why do you dead presidents have to be such a pain in my ass? Or at least the company I formerly worked for could have had some faith... and some fucking balls wouldnt hurt?! Stupid money... stupid, stupid money.
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AUTHOR: J
DATE: 9:17:00 PM
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BODY:
Pardon my mistake, as I was informed not too long ago by email... its my enormous 6 foot long by 4 foot high art table...
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AUTHOR: J
DATE: 4:23:00 PM
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BODY:
Not too long ago... well it might have been a while ago actually... I cant remember cause I dont keep an archive of my posts. Anyway, whenever it was... I remember a post I did going on this long winded rant of how I hadnt actually drawn anything in a very long time... since before I graduated college even. I, in turn, decided to go back home and uncover and undust (is that a word) my enormous 6" long by 4" high art table my father built me four score and a couple years ago. I did, and that same amount of time ago... set it up in my apartment...
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AUTHOR: J
DATE: 12:54:00 AM
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BODY:
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 3:20:00 PM ----- BODY: Been thinking lately... given my recent streak of not updating my journal. Not that I think I owe anyone updating my journal very very often... just doesnt seem like much of a journal, if I dont have anything to say except for once a week. Given that revelation... or realization... or whatever the hell it is, I came to a decision. Beginning a few days ago... Ive been making attempts to start a list of blog subjects... just a basic list of different stuff I could talk about, in those instances I get stumped about what to say. I actually have quite a bit to say... but alot of it revolves around my situation, being unemployed for nine (almost ten) months now... and the subsequent feelings Ive been going through. I think its good to get it out every now and then... but not only does it get really really repetitive... I just dont wanna focus on it a lot. I have so many better reasons to be down... now notice I didnt say good reasons to be down... theyre just better than focusing on my situation. I only have three subjects as of right at this moment... because I thought of all three when I was at my parents house the other day, and wrote them down so I wouldnt forget them. Hoping to add some more... that way I dont run out of subjects all in one shot. These resemble off-the-wall subjects... that play into one of my strengths, that being humor... odd humor to be more exact. What can I say... for the longest time, Ive always thrived at being weird. Why stop now?
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 8:40:00 PM ----- BODY: Man... do I suck or what? Here I was apologizing for having a slow week, I think, last week... and here this week, I dont do any better. I should be ashamed of myself... and more importantly, you should get a life if you agree with that. So... do you think its abnormal to think your furniture is too comfortable? Well, maybe not quite abnormal persay... but just a little widdy bit off? I am stuck with the before mentioned dilemna lately... as Ive come to the conclusion that my, recently paid for a couple months ago, couch and loveseat are in fact too comfortable. Being the unemployed, abnormally large headed person that I am... spending a little more time on my couch than normal, isnt such a stretch. During any given day of looking for work, using whats left of my credit cards, playing video games and watching TV... being home as much as I am leads to lottsa time to sit on my furniture. Every time I sit down, I just sink into this thing... and it doesnt take long at all for that really relaxing, eyes starting to get heavy feeling to just take over. Its actually pretty difficult to not be able to find a comfortable spot on this couch. Now, some of that could be attributed to my less-than-normal sleeping habits... but I still think a major part of it belongs to that damn couch. I mean, it cant be any coincidence that back in the not-so-distant past, when a certain now home-owning rockstar was living above me... I heard on a regular basis that when I wasnt payinf attention, he was gonna steal my furniture. Course, I prolly shouldnt say that... cause if he finds out my furniture is better, of if he thinks it might be better... he'll go out and get new stuff.
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 5:29:00 PM ----- BODY: Happy birthday Dad Weird that Im saying it here... that is, since I'll actually be on my way to his house in a few minutes from now. More or less letting the group (all you) know... in case you wanna thank him for conceiving me (with my mother doing all the difficult stuff of course) so I could entertain you all... almost 29 years later. Course sending wishes would involve an address of some sort... physical or otherwise. Im not gonna give it to you though... cause I dont know a lot of you very well, there might be some real freaks in the lot of you. Safe bet anyway.
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 8:43:00 PM ----- BODY: If you could see into my head right at this very moment... ... youd see fear like nothing youve known before... youd see me in here banging my fists against the wall till theyre bloody, trying to understand... youd see a man that has trouble seeing the good in anything right now... youd see someone who, as time goes on, feels more and more worthless as the days pass... youd see someone fighting with his own feelings, cause I dont think I have a right to feel this way, with all I still have... youd see me sitting in a chair, my face in my hands, almost to the point of tears... youd see someone who cant even imagine his own future... Youd see me... the twisted ball of shit that I am. Am I feeling a little sorry for myself? Yeah, I am... and fuck you Im allowed to feel this way. You sit in my shoes for a little bit, and tell me you wouldnt feel this way... even a little. I may have problems that arent crap by comparison to other peoples... but these are mine, and they play with every bit of confidence and faith I have left... every day. Tomorrow is another day... and I'll keep going, just as I have been so far. Right now, though... right at this moment... I am worthless.
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 4:09:00 PM ----- BODY: Seems this week is another slow business week for habitualchaos... cant really explain it. Seems I go through various phases throughout the weeks... one week Im a chatter box, and prolly worthy of being wished to shut up. Then theres weeks like this... not necessarily a week that nothing happened during... just a week Ive been thinking of other things, that distracted me from getting to my blog. More and more things seem to start running through my head as the end of the year approaches... and there still doesnt seem to be any hope of salvaging my career. Sure Im doing some freelance work... but its still not enough to solely support me. Im certainly not above going back to a regular job, not in the slightest... Im just having a hard time accepting that Im left with only that choice. I only wanted... well, honestly I didnt want to be on unemployment at all... but I only hoped to be on it for two months at the most. Here in a few days though... my ninth month being on it passes. Its a little disconcerting and frightening. I still have my days of hope... telling myself Im gonna find something. Often though... theyre overshadowed by the feeling Im worthless, and fear of what gonna happen to me. Its hard to explain. So many resumes... so many... and still nothing. By now... I know Ive hit the triple digit mark of resumes Ive sent out. Not all of them were places actively seeking employees... I sent generalized resumes out to a lot of places that Id hope I get their attention... but triple digits... seems unreal sometimes. I have a folder in my Outlook inbox filled with "sorry the position has been filled" and "we'll keep your resume on file" emails. Thank God for my friends and family though. Them and my increasingly filled credit cards are the only thing keeping me sane at the moment. The credit cards only serve for me to occasionally hang out with my friends... so its the people that deserve the props (did I just say props?). If youre a friend of mine... no matter how long its been, casual aquaintances too... thanks for everything so far. Man... that fucking Publishers Clearing House prize patrol better get here soon... Im running outta plastic.
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 12:33:00 AM ----- BODY: Well... the bug bomb has not... and will not be used. After careful consideration, I decided it might not be a good idea to use this thing after all. That decison was mainly based on the words highly flammable ingredient on the box... the instructions to extinguish all flames and/or pilot lights... and the fact that the hot water heater for the building (which is pilot light fueled) is right outside my door. Even the very slight risk some of this shit could seep through the door frame and ignite... essentially blowing up the building... or at least just really messing up all my stuff... was just a little too much for me. My lack of renters insurance (cause I cant afford it) also had something to do with that very slight chance of something happening. Going around the apartment and spraying stuff... is a far cry from setting off a bug bomb... and letting it hang there, for the recommended 4 hours time to do its work. Am I overreacting to the before mentioned slight chance? Could be... Ive overreacted before, always a chance of happening again. Am I rid of before mentioned gnat problem? Nope... just a few minutes ago, a little dot flew in front of my face. I think Id rather call my landlord though, and see what he says about the situation. Hopefully he gives me better advice than my previous landlord, about my problem of ants in my kitchen in my old apartment... which was buy a can of bug spray. I'll take my chances for now... cause theyve seemed to die down. Plus the fact of which... since I live in an apartment, and not a house... if any action is needed to get rid of them... I dont have to spend a dime?!
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AUTHOR: J
DATE: 4:50:00 AM
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BODY:
You might be asking yourself... why is J up so late (or early) in the morning? Well... if you are asking yourself that question... than youve never been here before, and you need to leave cause I dont have time to explain my vampire-like sleeping habits. I cant even explain them to myself... so its a safe assumption I cant find the words to help you either.
Just for shits and giggles... lets just accept that Im up at the moment... and at this moment, I feel like I just moved into this apartment again.
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 7:40:00 PM ----- BODY: I actually had something to say... but I forgot what it was... so it must not have been that important in the first place. Find something to occupy yourself with, while you wait... I'll be back sometime with some fresh conversation.
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 8:09:00 AM ----- BODY: Not a lot to say last week it seems. Not so much from a lack of anything interesting to say... since its very rare I think to myself Ive actually hit anywhere in the ring of interesting, with my sometimes longwinded lawn dart of things to say. Prolly more of just a cross between forgetfullness + negligence... just wasnt in the mood, I had a headache or something. Although I cant really explain why... since time is something I seem to have plenty of. Saturday was by far, the most interesting of the days last week. Most of the afternoon spent at my parents home, helping my father tear down old wooden siding... and nailing on insulation that bascially resembles styrofoam with tin foil on one side, in preperation of the eventual vinyl siding that will adorn my parents home very, very soon. After leaving there... right after the going home, showering, and making myself gorgeous... the rest of the evening (also covered in the latest picturejournal) was spent over in lovely Pittsburgh Pennsylvania, to take part in a pre-birthday celelbration for Marc at the recently opened Hard Rock Cafe over there. Good time was had by all... with a little walking around Station Square Mall... a little hangoing out, waiting to be seated for dinner... little picture taking here and there... and some good food, and very funny and enjoyable moments at dinner. Lets also not forget the small, insignificant situation of our waitress accidentally spilling a (rather) hot, small side dish of baked beans between Nyers and myself... while attempting to drop off his bar-b-qed pork sandwich. I was, more or less, on my way to laughing at Nyers cause I heard to waitress say she dropped it... when I suddenly felt something rather hot on my side and my leg. Granted it got some nice laughs from Nyers and me... and we did get ou dinners "taken care of" by the establishment. Nyers was so grateful that our waitress made a mistake, in fact... he rewarded her with a big fat tip after paying our $16 bill (taken up 75% by his alcohol)... that would have been impressive, even if we had to pay for our dinners. I couldnt share in his moment of sentiment and window-licking logic... as I agreed she deserved a tip, but not a large one... as she did feel bad, but also did make a mistake. Hell... for a reward like that for making a mistake... I should get a healthy wad of cash, if I "accidentally" pull my car into his living room... shouldnt I? I mean... as long as I feel bad about it, of course.
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 7:01:00 AM ----- BODY: If youre here right now... you should be ashamed of yourself. Everybody knows what today is... and even though I didnt go so far as to gray out my site today, or put up a nice memorial in honor of what today is... I still think about what happened a year ago, and everything and everyone we lost. Even with everything thats happened to me since then... Im not selfish, or ignorant enough to think of myself today. Im doing my part... by telling you to get the fuck out... theres someplace better to be... than here.
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 2:44:00 PM ----- BODY: Yknow, if I was just a little more stupid than I am now, and payed a lot less attention to my money than I already do... I could tell you what my probable downfall would be. It would involve impulse buying, like some of you would assume I meant by mentioning money as my downfall... but not as much impulse buying I did before, prolly half. Mainly cause I have enough clothes now to be somewhat happy with my wardrobe... although I occasionally might catch myself when I go one of my two second homes. The latest form of impulse buying that has stuck with me a little... is at my other second home, the goddamn grocery store. Yes, I said the grocery store. It prolly has something to do with my tendency to drink pop... or soda... or sodie-pop so goddamn fast. Drinking it so fast, usually gives me a visit to the store, at least once a week... sometimes more. And even though I am in full soda-hunting mode when I get to the store... I always get distracted by other goodies, that I should prolly ignore. Since I am commonly known as the frozen food king (in some circles)... I must admit that makes a percentage of my distractions. A small percentage can be blamed on the "snack that smiles back" and calls my name... those fucking Goldfish. Cant forget all the new hell-driven. addictive flavors NesQuik keeps making... god, Im a sucker for almost anything vanilla or white chocolate. Speaking of vanilla or white chocolate... theres also Satans two side projects... those being Ben & Jerrys and Haagen-Daz. Theres so many others... that just pull my in one direction, and pull me in another. Im always looking for new stuff to try. Like when, the day after I saw the commercial for the new Hamburger Helper Mexican dishes... I went out and bought two, just cause I wanted to try them. For some people, its money... for others, its vanity (loving themselves just a little too much)... and for even some, its Quake 3 that will be their eventual downfall. The list goes on and on. When it all comes right down to it though... for me, its the goddamn grocery store. I am so weak.
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AUTHOR: J
DATE: 7:16:00 AM
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BODY:
If youve been here before, might wanna do a little refreshing to the browser... just in case my updated navigation looks funny to those whose browsers have cached the previous one. Finally updated the look of my portfolio, or more to the point... made it fit in with the new look of the site, and thought it was time to let it out for some fresh air.
Speaking of fresh air... this is what Im talkin bout...
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 6:18:00 PM ----- BODY: When I die... cause I know its gonna happen, just not when and how... and if God decides to play a cruel joke on me and reincarnate me... I wanna come back as a taster for the Thomas E. Wilson company. Or at least someone they really like... and wanna adpot. Ive tried 3 of the 7 frozen roasts they have... those being, the seasoned beef sirloin roast, the italian seasoned pork roast and the lemon pepper pork roast... and all three were fucking wonderful. Youd be a little skeptical, considering they are frozen... but they all come out really fucking good. We're talking Dunkin Donuts Vanilla Bean Coolata and Tradewinds Extra Sweet Southern Style Tea really fucking good... so you know Im serious. Damnit... does this mean I have to edit my random thoughts from before... yet again? Thats becoming almost a bit of a long list of stuff thats really fucking good. Maybe I should start a bew category?!
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 4:21:00 PM ----- BODY: Today I bring to you a few more random thoughts... mainly cause I dont have a semi-long, depressing story of my struggle to remain sane, and find myself some employment of the consistent kind. I'll go back to that later. I hate dwelling on that shit anyway, except for the occasional rant... so I slow simmered some random thoughts, till I thought they tasted just right... and now theyre ready for consumption. 1. This fine example of American cinema is the only time youll prolly ever bear witness to me intentionally buying anything pink. Anything else I purchase that may resemble that color is completely unintentional... or not for me in the first place. 2. Today, a little less than 5 hours ago, I signed up to be notified when the next round of United States Post Office employment exams will be held. Mainly because, I am slowly but surely running out of career options... as my prospects for potential employment dropped back to what they were before my ordeal with OU... and as someone who recently told me he, more or less, doesnt give a shit about me anyway, informed me... my benefits from Uncle Same are gonna disappear sometime soon... and Im gonna owe Sammy a bit of cash myself. 3. If you, like me, have a sick sense of humor... and dont mind watching animated "so fucking annoyingly cute youd wanna kill them anyway" animals die icky deaths... Happy Tree Friends is a good little show to soak into. Im an animal lover myself, and never wish ill treatment to any animal by any means... unless you eat it after you kill it, and not do it purely for sport... but these are fucking animated cartoon animals, so lighten up. If you enjoy the show... or if youre just as sick as I seem to be, and wanna see more anyway... these adorable little guys can be seen here. Thats all... I return you to your regularly scheduled whatever-the-fuck-you-were-doing-before-you-stopped-by.
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 2:57:00 PM ----- BODY: I was informed by Mikey that, in his opinion, it was actually too late for me to wish this week was over... considering (yesterday) it was Thursday, and the week was almost over anyway. Now, its not exactly what you might think. Im not wishing it was over already like there was just this unending flurry of emotional distress happening everyday... just wishing it was over, signifying it was a bad week with a few unrelated emotional situations. Simply because, someone must have decided it wasnt bad enough I found out I didnt get the web designers job at OU... by hastily-worded form letter, earlier this week. To make matters worse, I got a call from my sister (in the Emergency Room) at 7:30 on Wednesday evening... telling me that my father and my uncle had fallen off my parents house... specifically the scaffolding they were using to tear off the upper siding of the house. It ended up being not as bad as it could have been. My father came away with some cuts and scrapes, a couple bruises, some pain in his elbow and discomfort in his ankle. My uncle didnt get away as fortunate... as he came away with the same cuts and scrapes/bruises... but trumped with a broken wrist, some broken ribs and a broken pelvic bone. Just thankful, as it could have been so much worse... so many things were running through my head on the way to the Emergency Room. Prolly the only time in my life, I would curse God for giving me an overactive imagination. All I know is... with everything that happened this week, especially the job situation... that Publishers Clearing House Prize Patrol van better fucking be in my parking lot next Thursday night!
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AUTHOR: J
DATE: 2:25:00 PM
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BODY:
Im throwing back some humor into this place, something else Im good at... because the longer I dwell on everything, the less time you have to live. Todays customary attempt at humor, is brought to you by the letter J... cause thats who I am, and I pay the hosting bill for this place. Its also brought to you by vickysjokes.com... cause thats where I found it.
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 2:59:00 AM ----- BODY: This is still surreal to me... like that feeling we all get sometimes, of walking around in a dream. It still feels like that. I dont know why... I thought Id prepared myself for this. I told myself from the beginning that there was always, always that chance I wouldnt get it... I guess I was just too wrapped up in that I thought this was my time. It just fit the mold so pefectly. An amazing opportunity, the kind I wanted all along, right from the beginning... one that was gonna break me outta my shell, was gonna show them and me just how much potential was lying dormant. And for it to come along now... after seven months of practically nothing, after all the worrying about my future, about what was gonna become of me... it was the perfect time for this to hit. It was the kind of thing you always see in the movies... the opportunity of a lifetime comes about, at the ropes end and brings everything back into focus. I honestly believed thats what was happening. I still prepared myself for the possible bad ending... cause it was always there, but for once in a long time... I just believed this was it. I guess as much as I prepared myself for the bad ending, all that belief just overshadowed it so much... that it made the final outcome hurt that much more. A moment I had at my former workplace, that I once thought of as my greatest accomplishment so far... has finally been replaced though. I can not talk down about the accomplishment of making it to the final three, not after knowing the sheer magnitude of applicants that started out... its the greatest thing to happen to me so far. It kind of pales with the disappointment of not getting the job, at the moment... but its been less than 24 hours since Ive known, theres gotta be some time for me to just soak in it, before I can let it go.
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AUTHOR: J
DATE: 11:08:00 AM
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BODY:
I should have checked my mail over the weekend...
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 2:58:00 AM ----- BODY: Yknow, there are days, in all honesty… that I wonder if I will ever know the kind of romantic love a lot of you take for granted. It may be hard to believe, but Ive never had a serious relationship in my entire life… and after that long, 28 years to be exact, there are a lot more doubts and frustration around you then there is optimism and hope. Im not saying I don’t have those things… they are just very scarce to come by. I still have my days of telling myself itll all be over, and I will get to enjoy the company of a woman that truly cares for me… but I can only tell myself so much, before it becomes more and more unbelievable to even me. Now, Im not saying Ive been void of a serious relationship by suggesting Ive had numerous failed ones… the honest truth, is that Ive never known any relationship at any time. Ive never cuddled, Ive never walked along a beach with a woman, Ive never spent a Valentines Day with someone, Ive never received or given oral sex, Ive never had actual sex… you can use your imagination to think of everything else Ive never known, it’s a long list. Whats most irritating to me is watching people who take for granted the kinds of things I sometimes think Id give anything to know. I wanna be yelled at for looking at another woman. I wanna get in trouble for leaving the toilet seat up. I wanna know what its like to be held when Im not feeling good. I wanna spend money on gifts and lingerie. I wanna be denied sex cause shes not in the mood. I want a woman to be mad at me for a reason that’s completely unknown to me. I wanna meet my girlfriends parents. I wanna walk anywhere holding a womans hand. I want a lot of things that you people take advantage of… take for granted… bitch and moan about… and wish you could go without, cause its such an inconvenience. Its never more clear how much I want it… when the silence in this apartment gets just a little too loud. Something else that doesn’t make it any better… is knowing some of what Ive been denied, and want so much… is my own fault. Ive been on first dates, and never been on a second… Ive passed up girls that were interested in me… Ive even passed up several opportunities to have sex… all because I decided to trust my gut. I had my reasons… and to this day, I stand by them Do I look back and think I might have done some situations different? Of course I do. But they would have been to serve a selfish idea… or what I know would have been a mistake later. It still doesn’t make me not wanna go back and kick my own ass sometimes for not seizing the moment… but I wouldn’t be someone I could look in the mirror and accept, if I had. I know there are people out there who sympathize, who might just understand the way I feel sometimes… and can accept that there are days I very much wish I knew the good and the bad… because Im lonely, because I just want some peace. I also realize to some, this will sound like Im whining. Oh poor me… why did this happen to everyone else, but not to me? Why cant I have the same toy everyone else has? Why cant I just be special too? To those people I say… fuck off. Im allowed to wallow, Im allowed to feel like shit… and Im allowed to wish I was in your shoes sometimes.
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 5:53:00 PM ----- BODY: Today I am making an addition to one of my previous random thoughts, instead of a revision that I made before. Course, now that I think of... considering my intentions, revision and addition pretty much share their meaning. So anyway... I mentioned before that Dunkin Donuts Vanilla Bean Coolata was really fucking good. My only hesitation about that statement was that I was hoping that my wonderific Coolata wasnt an abnormal fluke. For anyone that enjoys coffee related drinks... yknow when you normally go to a place that sells them, you occasionally get a drink that tastes amazingly better than normal every now and then. Its like they have some special employee they only let out once a week or so... to surprise everyone by actually making drinks that are better than normal. Makes it extra special when you can actually catch this mystery person. I was hoping that my really fucking good Coolata wasnt something like that... a surprise fluke I wouldnt catch again anytime soon. Such is not the case however. A second Coolata bought today, at a different store, was just as really fucking good as the first one... so I can say it with some more assurance than before, that Dunkin Donuts Vanilla Bean Coolata is really fucking good. That is unless, the Dunkin Donuts I went to today... has an extra special employee too. Damnit... I guess I just have to go out and buy another one, and possibly more after that... just to satisfy my overwhelming sense of paranoia. Oh the icy, vanilla bean horror!
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 1:41:00 AM ----- BODY: Slight revision to one random thought that I provided not too long ago... I said in the, before mentioned, random thought that Dunkin Donuts Vanilla Bean Coolata was really fuckin good. Now the Coolatas status has not changed since then... but on the same note and also worthy or praise, Tradewinds Extra Sweet "Southern Style" Tea is also on the same level of really fuckin good. Id like to thank Tracy Corrigan, senior web designer of OU... for being gracious enough to add a bottle of that to our tab, while getting coffee before my last interview. Id have prolly have tried it without her assistance, somewhere down the line... but as fate would have it, I got to try it then. Thank you. A new picturejournal highlighting my time at OU has been completed, for your viewing pleasure. Its is, unfortunately, viod of any pictures of the people I met there... simply because I think it would have been bad taste, to ask them to halt their respective interviews for a sec, so I could take a snapshot. I do actually have some sense of good and bad judgement in me... but dont tell anyone I said that.
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 11:30:00 PM ----- BODY: A little more than 4 hours ago... I just got back to my apartment, returning from an all-day interview for the position of web designer at Ohio University in Athens, OH. This is a position I found out I made the final cut for less than two weeks ago. Was an interesting experience, to say the least... but it was also something you dont normally attribute with interviews, let alone all-day interviews. It was a good time... I really enjoyed it. I left for there last night, a little after 9pm... to get down there a little after midnight, since its a 3.5 hour drive from me to them. They reserved a room for me at their own OU Inn... and told the Inn I was would be a late check-in, realizing I would get their till well after midnight. The drive was boring, as is normal for one-person, multi-hour drives... there was a lot of singing, and pop drinking to keep me awake for the drive. Seems a bit odd to do all that, now I think back... considering the avid night-owl that I am. Got into Athens at the time I figured I would... a little after midnight, surprising to me considering I have my mothers sense of direction. Relieved to be there, and looking forward to some sleep... I was informed by the desk clerk at the Inn, that they were booked up and had given my room up. Now, of course I said really?... but was thinking, goddamnit... what the fu... jesus... I dont beieve this... you stupid son-of-a-bitch! Even with a reservation, and a confirmation number... my room was lost, all gone... no sleepy for J. The kindly gentleman, that was lucky to still have his arms... then told me they would put me up at a Days Inn about 5-10 minutes from there. 5-10 minutes that is, if the young man had given me specific, instead of vague directions how to get there. Long story longer... I made it there, and finally hit the sack after watching a little Real Sex 30 on HBO. The interviews went as many interviews go. I had my very first committee interview... that being six people sitting around you, asking questions as a group. It wasnt as intimidating as it obviously sounds. I got to spend a lot of time with their senior designer... as she was my, for lack of a better term, chaperone. Very nice, knowledgable woman... that I got along very well with. Hey, even I find it amazing that people laugh at my jokes sometimes. Believe me, for anyone that knows me, and knows my no-nonsense, almost extreme honesty... if there was something negative to say about it, I wouldnt hesitate. Potential employer or not. Even though I went through three interviews today... one committee, and two one-on-ones... it didnt feel like a day full of interviews, it felt like I was visiting an old friend that went to OU. Its tough to explain, but I had a great time... it made the bullshit with the hotel go away. I almost wish I could say something bad or uncomfortable about the day... but aside from the hotel thing, there isnt anything I can look back on as uncomfortable about this. I'll find out soon, about their decision... and I have everything I can cross, crossed (get your mind outta the gutter sicko). Job or no job though, being able to say I made a final cut of three people... out of a little over 300 (I think that was the number) applicants, is a proud enough accomplishment... and makes me feel a whole lot better than I have in a while.
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 4:39:00 PM ----- BODY: For the longest time... Ive always thought the reason I refuse to give up drinking pop, was because I loved the caffeinne. Ive always loved caffeinnes staying-awake powers... they helped me throughout many a night when I had to stay up all night doing school work when I was still in college. And those powers still help me today... with my abnormal sleeping habits, when I just dont feel like going to bed when you normal people do. Im not too sure its the caffeinne lately though. While I was on vacation last week, when I got to the cabin my parents rented... they had already visited the local grocery store, and bought me some pop. Problem was, my Dad mistakenly bought caffeinne-free Pepsi... he missed that, when he grabbed the 12-pack at the store. Well, of course I turned my nose up at it at first... cause it was missing my lifes blood. I was under the impression caffeinne-free Pepsi tasted a lot like Diet Pepsi... so thats what brought on me thinking it was icky. Turns out it tasted a lot like normal Pepsi... to my surprise. I ended up drinking the whole 12-pack... even with it being without that so-called evil substance. Makes me think that maybe Im not addicted (or tell myself Im addicted) to caffeinne... maybe Im actually just obsessed with carbonation. I dunno... is there any good way to test that? It makes sense... but you never know. Maybe I should try carbonating some of my household liquids, and taste them to see if theyre better?! Carbonated spaghetti sauce or gravy anyone?
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 9:33:00 AM ----- BODY: Well ladies and gentlemen... here it be, just like I promised. A brand spanking new version of your favorite (dare I say) place to read about useless information and the ramblings of a sometimes incoherent bald guy. Far as right now... the only working section is what you see now. Im still working on the other sections. There may even be a little tweak to the design here and there... but nothing too fancy. Hope to have the rest of the sections working by tonight sometime. I must warn you though... they wont be terribly new, some of the same information, more or less. Just preparing you... in the unfortunate, yet probable likelyhood of some disappointment. Course it cant be any more uncomfortable than some of my postings... but at least Im honest. Back to work now, getting this baby up and running. Id ask you to take a look around, but theres nothing here yet... so bugger off!
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 1:22:00 AM ----- BODY: Just a couple random thoughts... in no particular order... Second only to tobacco spit, ricotta cheese is the most disgusting substance on the planet. On the flip side of that... the greatest invention of all time, is white chocolate... Taco Bell ground beef is a close second. Dunkin Donuts Vanilla Bean Coolata... is really fucking good! Although Mikes mom tastes like cottage cheese... his sister is fucking hot I couldnt live in a world void of caffeinne... nor would I want to. Despite rumors to the contrary... Alias Xs singer doesnt have a 13" penis... he is a 13"penis. If you need any diamonds for future wedding jewelry... overnight lumps of coal to Mike. Video games will one day run my lif... oh wait, nevermind. My alternative career choice... if designing, and acting dont work out... is to freelance my head as a wrecking ball. That is all...
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AUTHOR: J
DATE: 3:41:00 AM
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BODY:
Alright now... I only have one thing to say to this...
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 8:37:00 PM ----- BODY: I ran into a rather peculiar situation today. Made my way over to Best Buy this afternoon... the USB cable for my CD burner is way too fucking short, and I needed to buy an extension. Wasnt hard to find... course since I knew what I was looking for. Got in line to pay... the line wasnt too bad, but still a little annoyingly long. Standing there, waiting my turn... and the lady in front of me writes a check to pay for her stuff. She wrote a check! Maybe you didnt hear me... she actually wrote a check. I had no idea people even did that anymore... least its, honestly, been a great long time since Ive seen anyone write a check. Felt like I jumped back to a time before debit cards were even invented... was waiting for soneone with acid washed jeans to go strolling by. And it wasnt so much that she wrote the check... it was that she did everything involved with writing a check, with a speed that would make my grandparents look hyperactive. Writing the check... writing a second check cause she fucked up the first one... not being able to immediately find her license to show to the cashier... writing the amount down in her little book... and not giving up till she was absolutely sure of the impact her purchase made in her checking account. It may have only, actually, taken 5 minutes or so... but if felt like enough time for me to grow some respectable facial hair.
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 5:05:00 PM ----- BODY: I got a phone call yesterday. Now normally that wouldnt be, even remotely, a big deal; since I get phone calls of varying sorts (just about) every day... but this call was different, by a measurable margin. It was a call from the web design dept. at Ohio University, specifically their senior designer... calling about an application I put in, checking in and asking if I was still interested. I was in the bathroom at the time, I heard the phone ringing... but I was a little preoccupied, and not in a position to run out and answer it (I was taking a shower, sicko). I called back shortly after, and talked with the girl (their senior designer) who had called me. She informed me that I made the final cut of applicants for the job... and making sure I was still interested, cause they would beging calling my references, and scheduling interviews sometime next week. Ive been a little mixed with emotions since then. Im extremely excited at the prospect of this job... from the description I applied from, it sounds like a good opportunity. Working for a good school, in (from what I hear) is a good town. There are so many pros to this, that I dont feel like listing them all. Just the news of making the final cut of applicants is the best news Ive heard in all the seven months Ive been unemployed. I was literally, jumping around my apartment for a good couple minutes... I couldnt go longer, cause Im a bit chunky and ran out of breath. On the other hand though, I also found myself a little hesitant... because this job, and its opportunity... are about 5 hours south of where I was aiming to go, which is Cleveland. Ive been telling myself I didnt want to go for a job that would take me to a place that Id have to start over... not knowing anyone, or the surroundings. But I am also not stupid enough to pass up an opportunity like this. It is, of course, a little premature to be thinking either way... since theres no guarantee I even have the position yet. I do, however, have a lot of thinking to do... I need to sort out all the stuff rattling around in this over-sized cranium of mine, to prepare myself for either outcome to this. Cross your fingers, true believers.
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 11:53:00 PM ----- BODY: I forgot, over the last few days... about the details and/or review I promised of the movie, Reign of Fire; which I did see last Friday. Overall, I am right in the middle on this one. Less entertaining than DragonSlayer... but better than Dragonheart, is a fair assessment. The director pushed it as innovating, as a movie never seen before... in the vein of dragons vs. modern military technology. Their isnt enough action there to warrant making it sound as an epic battle between missiles and flying lizards. Quite a bit of plot holes, or things that needed explained a little more... did some fair story-telling, although the story seemed a bit rushed. Visually amazing, far as scenery and cinematography... although some of the dragons lacked some needed detail though. Critics were definitely on about it having a little too much, the done-before sense of human turmoil. Yknow, the old oh-my-God-the-worlds-gonna-end... but is saved at the last minute by the troubled hero, who saw the whole thing begin thing. Had a twist... but had its tacky moments. In conclusion... would I recommend people going to see it? Of course I would... it was a fucking dragon movie!
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 11:20:00 AM ----- BODY: Seems a lot lately, I keep forgetting to bring my camera around with me... something I mentioned I wanted to start doing again not too long ago. Really hasnt been anything spectacularly noteworthy to take snapshots of recently... but there are rare occasions, that something happens, or I see something... and immediately wanna kick myself for not having my camera around. Not because its so amazing that I believe it needs recorded for historys sake... just because its humorous, or at least slightly interesting sometimes... and it proves, that I do actually leave my apartment from time to time. Ive thought of trying to get back into my daily chronicle... not as an everyday thing, cause theres only so much that happens in any given day for me... and sometimes its a little repetive. Just as something to do, or when something even remotely interesting happens. Its still a little far off, as I actually hope to have a redesign of this site done within the next two months. Im actually hoping to get it done soon... I just dont wanna build up false hopes in you all, saying Id have it done in a few weeks... cause theres no guarantee of that. What I have to do is settle on a design, and not start over almost every two weeks. Seems to be the pattern here lately... I start doing a design, and get really into it, thinking I finally nailed it. The a couple days later, when I come back to it... I find something wrong, or get disenfranchised with it, and decide to start over again. Someday, though... someday, itll happen... and I'll surprise you all. Muah-ah-ah-ah-ah (best evil laugh vioce). P.S... today is the day, it comes out today, and Im going to see it whether anyone comes with me or not. Details and/or a review to follow...
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 4:06:00 PM ----- BODY: Oh, wow... are you still here? I didnt realize you were still hanging around, waiting for me to say something?! What a terrible host I am... you have my sincerest apologies. Would you like something to drink... a cocktail weinie... a magazine... or a light back rub, perhaps? I could break out a board game or something... until Im ready to take the mic again. You just let me know... I'll be right over here.
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 7:12:00 PM ----- BODY: At an undislosed time this morning (cause I cant remeber when it was), during a bike ride... I encountered a situation that one normally has when driving a car, but I have never been in before. Im riding along... having just hopped a curb into some very high grass leading back into woods, and I hear a slight rustling. Out of nowhere, right in front of me... a deer (or a fawn... or whatever) just lunges forward, and takes off past me darting for the woods. Hitting my brakes real hard, and nearing mushing my jewels into the handlebar post... I let out a nice, loud holy shit! and stopped dead in my tracks. As I started off again, and being able to think about what happened... I found it strangely humorous (although not rolling on the floor hilarious), that I almost hit a deer on my bike. I could only imagine actually hitting him, the deer running off to meet up with his buddies... and shamefully telling them he just got hit by a chubby, big-headed guy on a mountain bike, instead of by a car like all the other deer. Pansy. Happy fourth day of the seventh month July, in the year of our Lord two-thousand and two. Be safe, and dont forget to blow something up.
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 3:03:00 AM ----- BODY: I think I might have mentioned it before... but in case you forgot, throughout the last few months I go through varying degrees of good and bad days. Well, actually the only one that really have a varying degree are my bad days. Good days usually flow with telling, and convincing myself that this is gonna be alright... this will be over soon, and I'll finally be happy again. Theres not much of a varying degree there, simply because it cant get any better than that... till everything I tell myself, actually happens. Even with the stuff I have going now... I still have my bad days. I started doing a little less than part-time work at a local printing company, training to do production work... eventually leading into a full-time position, sometime soon. I know its a job, and I should be happy that I found some work after all this time... but I still have my troubles. Its not exactly what I want, even though it is within my field... but I do know I dont have the luxury of being picky. I almost feel like I took this because of my desperation to find work... and thats a little disconcerting. I feel like less of a person, because I settled for something... after trying to convince myself I wasnt going to settle for anything less than what I wanted. Theres just so much more to this, so much that makes me sometimes think very little of myself... and its hard to put into words, because I dont like thinking about it. I always try to stay positive, I try to keep myself up... and even now, try to convince myself Im gonna be happy again someday. Its just a little harder to see sometimes, as more and more time passes. But I havent let go... not yet.
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 10:37:00 AM ----- BODY: Now... Id love to stay and chat, but I gotta start getting ready. You see, Im getting ready... I have to dress up, khakis and a button down shirt... so I can go on a 45 minute drive with a guy I just met last week, and have known for no more than half an hour... heading to a meeting with a company I know nothing about... to act as a web design resource, representing a company I dont even work for. I guess first things first... should prolly find out if Im getting paid for this.
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 11:53:00 PM ----- BODY: Recently, given her neverending desire for me to finally find a woman... my mother officially gave me the green light to date 18 yr olds. Her exact words were... "as long as you dont go over ten years younger than you, I say go for it." Kinda refreshing, yet icky that my mother has given me her blessing to essentially cruise the high schools... looking for single graduates, who just might be in the market for a pudgy, bald, broad shouldered and tattooed older man. For those of you who might not know... Im a 28 yr old, trapped in the body of Drew Carey. I wish I could have made it more dramatic and said "pudgy, bald, broad shouldered and tattooed unemployed older man" ... but since I just had my first day on a new job earlier today (details to follow later), I just cant bring myself to lie to all of you. I have no idea why... but just run with it.
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 1:17:00 PM ----- BODY: Not a whole lot to say lately. Well, I cant exactly say that... not really, there are plenty of things to say in all honesty. There are plenty of emotions and problems... or problems to me, rattling their way around my head. Some of them I wouldnt mind talking about... some of them I wouldnt even tell any of the three people I trust the most in this world. Some of the things I wouldnt mind talking about though... still dont get said often enough. My dilemna is I have a problem with conveying lengthy stories, or expressing what Im thinking through non-emotional means. No one can tell how sincere you are, or hear how sincere you are rather... through an email... through pixelized internet text on a webjournal... or through an Instant Messenger window. There are no little yellow smileys for sincerity... typing in all capitals doesnt do justice to true anger... there is no text trick to express real happiness. Dont get me wrong... expressing or invoking emotion through typed words is possible. There are more than numerous people who do that everyday through their daily thoughts, and journals... myself included, every now and then. My dilemna more surrounds real personal stuff. When there is something I truly want to get across; or feel very animate about... I dont wanna type it in an IM window, I dont wanna send it in an email and hope theres someone on the other side. I cant do that, or rather dont prefer it... I lose interest, and in such it loses its meaning if I have to type a lengthy explanation about it. In the heat of the moment... its not, at all, easy to think about wording something right. My preference, if meeting up with someone isnt an option, is a phone call. You can just say... what you would have had to think about typing. You can cry without the little sad, teary smiley... you can laugh without typing LOL or dropping in the ol' garden-variety smiley... you can scream without having to type in all capitals, or make the text size bigger. You can have some real interaction. Hearing someones voice on the other end of a phone call... is calming to me... it helps to settle me down and makes the world, at least, get off one shoulder. Thankfully, Im not tackling some new peoblem... or going though a life-altering ordeal at this moment. I can do that tomorrow sometime. This is simply what I am thinking at the moment. This entry wasnt supposed to be this long anyway... this is just a rare occasion, that typing a big long explanation was the right thing to do. Next time though... call me, ok?
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 7:53:00 PM ----- BODY: Whether you care or not... tonights itinerary... Now: a little Beat the Geeks 8:00: first hour of WWE Smackdown 9:00: second hour of Smackdown and/or CSI 10:00: watching and/or playing a little Q3A 11:00: catch some Daily Show w/ John Stewart 11:30 and after: TV, video games, internet... your guess is as good as mine
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AUTHOR: J
DATE: 7:03:00 PM
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BODY:
Considering the somewhat steady income I have coming in, doing freelance work... and the rest being supplemented (still) by unemployment, I decided to sacrifice a little here and there and get myself some high speed internet goodness. More commonly known as a cable modem... but Im sure you knew that. Youre so damn clever!
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 5:19:00 PM ----- BODY: Oh, ooh... look everyone. Im almost as famous as Miller now. I think... or kinda close... I dont fucking know. I thought itd be fun to submit a desktop to K10K... mainly out of humor, and a lack of anything better to do. It was actually posted on the 13th... a lot sooner than I expected it to be. Not that its anything earthshattering... but its good for a halfway decent laugh. And its good for a posting... as I dont wanna be put in the same category as these two slackers. Enjoy... or dont, I could care less.
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 4:09:00 PM ----- BODY: Been reading lately about a new dragon movie called Reign of Fire, coming out soon... July 12th, to be exact. The premise of the movie is as follows: "In a post-apocalyptic future England, an American militia leader and a British "Fire Chief" must team up to fight off a brood of fire-breathing dragons that have emerged, seeking to return to dominance over man after a centuries-long rest." I'll going to see that one, the day it comes out. Im a big fan of dragons, and have always been drawn to dragon movies. One of the more common dragon movies was 1996's Dragonheart, which although had some nice special effects... was still a little hoaky to me. The budding friendship developed between a knight and a dragon... and the subsequent lessons of life that followed, were a little much for me to take. I almost expected a love scene between the two, at some point. Dont get me wrong, I still bought the movie on VHS... cause it was a dragon movie. My favorite by far, though, since there arent many dragon movies to choose from... was Dragonslayer, made back in 1981. It had magic, blood, a big fucking nasty (Jim Henson and CG) dragon... and sadly, a hoaky love story too. Not between the dragon any human cast members though... the dragon (Vermithrax) was a little too busy setting peoples homes on fire, and terrorizing the commoners. Just being a dragon in general. That was my kind of dragon movie. Hopefully, this new one will be too.
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AUTHOR: J
DATE: 9:45:00 PM
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BODY:
Got back a little bit ago, after playing a little par 3 with my bud Jeff. The outcome wasnt in much dispute there, as hes one of those annoying guys that is good at almost any sport he tries... and as such, I didnt quite get my ass tromped. I did lose though... by 5 strokes, 31 to 36. Surprised me though, that even though I havent even picked up a golf club in almost a year... that I didnt fair that badly aganist Tiger Woods second cousin, once removed.
I noticed this though, on my way home...
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 10:15:00 AM ----- BODY: Fuck fuck fuck. Theres not much I hate more than being in the middle of a bike ride, in the middle of the woods in fact... and having to cut it short cause nature calls (no pun intended). So instead of being in the woods, doing something I love to do and getting some excerise in the process... I am currently sitting at the computer, after having to come home to go poop in da potty. Why come all the way home? Im glad you asked. Cause Im a paranoid bitch... who thinks everyone in the world might be after my bike. In the immortal words of Freddie Mercury... I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike. Guess itll have to wait till tomorrow.
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 10:31:00 AM ----- BODY: Damn that game... damn its addicting effects, its nice graphics, its compelling story and its one instance of (what sounds like) cheesy 80's romantic Japanese music wrapped into a sappy CG kissing scene. Because of all that, and my seemingly easy succeptibility to its whims... today marks the fifth day in a row Ive followed the sleeping habits of the vampire, and not slept through the course of the night. I cant explain it... I just start playing and dont realize just how long Ive been sucked in till its morning. Im weak, I know... I can admit it. But the other half of those vampire sleeping habits... is the part about sleeping throughout the day. And even though I dont plan on sleeping the whole day away... I am gonna go lie down. Good nigh... uhh... I mean, morning.
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 9:32:00 PM ----- BODY: For the past three days, Ive been up till the normal time you all get up... say 7:00 or 8:00, playing a video game called Final Fantasy X. Its the newest version of the game, till the whole sha-bang becomes exclusively an online game... and Ive been sucked in. Id never played any of the previous incarnations of this game... but it always kinda appealed to me. Its a tough game to follow, if youve never played it... I could never understand it watching anyone I knew play it, and I dont know what tempted me so to actually borrow it off my brother-in-law and try it; but I did. Surprisingly, its not as hard to follow as I thought... unless the people who did this game decided to make it simpler, for my bretheren; stupid people. I havent actually consulted my bro-in-law to ask the differences between this version, and the previous ones. Doesnt really matter, as here I am... admitting this thing has sucked me in, and thereby pasting an overly large neon sign above my head, that reads nerd. Good thing I work from home, cause I can keep shitty hours here.
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 2:35:00 PM ----- BODY: I was introduced to the wonderful digitally enhanced world of DVDs almots a year ago. I bought a PS2 a little while ago... and while enjoying my new games, and my old ones (thanks to reverse compatibility); I also began buying DVDs, since the PS2 could play them. In fact, the first DVD I ever bought was the ultimate edition of Terminator 2... without even owning a player at the time. I bought the DVD before I bought the PS2, so I could watch it. That may have proved a bad move... cause the Terminator: Ultimate Edition had some pretty impressive animated menues, that were rumored to not work on a lot of DVD players. Luckily, they worked fine and Ive been able to enjoy DVDs since then. Now, of course I cant go an entry without bitching about something... and since Miller hasnt done anything in the last 48 hours to irritate me (knock on wood), I will shift to bitching/complaining about (some) DVDs. Recently, buying DVDs kind of rivals buying a computer. As soon as you go to the store and buy one of your favorite movies on DVD, you get it home and theres a Special Edition, or Ultimate Edition thats set to come out the next month. Case in point... the movie Stargate. I bought Stargate almost a month ago, cause Ive always loved that movie... I dont remember how much it was, but it prolly was in the $10 to $15 range. I read today about the box cover art for an Ultimate Edition of Stargate thats coming out in Fall of this year. Well damnit, now Im gonna have to own two copies of that movie... cause even though I may not like it, I am that stupid to buy the other one. I feel like Im back in 1998, when I bought my 333 MHz beige Macintosh G3... and two months later, they came out with the faster, more powerful 350MHz Blue + White G3s. Course I never bought another Mac (yet)... cause theyre worth more than my life.
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AUTHOR: J
DATE: 11:26:00 AM
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BODY:
I think Im gonna start carrying my camera around with me again... I stoppped for a while, and you never know what youll run into...
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 1:14:00 AM ----- BODY: Happy... or Merry... or whatever Memorial Day. I dont know the accurate prefix to use for Memorial Day... so if you know what it is or have a preference, just imagine I used it a second ago. Ive been thinking lately of going back to college. Possibly back to a school I already spent 7 years and $20,000 to get my current Bachelors Degree in graphic design. Im not thinking of going back to get a Masters... since already having the four-year (or 7) variety isnt helping me find a job. Im thinking of going back to school to get an Associates Degree in programming... cause I think itll help me in the long run. Im also thinking about going back to school... cause Im running out of options. At last count, Ive sent out 61 resumes... 42 in the first volley, and another 19 come tomorrow (Tuesday). Ive called almost all the places I sent the first 42, just to check back and put a voice (and an identity) with the piece of paper I sent them... and have had no success. Ive applied for local jobs, applied for jobs online through Aquent, had the Creative Group helping me look, searched local classifieds and internet bookmarks... with no success. Im just plain running out of options. This is just one solution Im contemplating... as opposed to the others. One being a, hopefully profitable, life of crime I dont wanna go back to school, in all honesty... Ive already graduated college once. I worked hard once to get through school and make a career for myself. But if doing this will get me back to where I need to be, make me more marketable, make it so I can actually afford a new car someday and get me the hell off unemplyment... Im just gonna buckle down with a regular job for a while, and work my way through college again.
-------- AUTHOR: J DATE: 11:31:00 AM ----- BODY: Im not fat... Im just preparing for next winter.
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AUTHOR: J
DATE: 3:30:00 PM
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BODY:
Update: headache gone... J now head-pain free.
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AUTHOR: J
DATE: 1:32:00 PM
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BODY:
Lately, my hotmail email account has become quite the nuissance. I usually dont check it very often, as I dont use that email address anymore... but after ignoring it for a week, I end up with about 300 to 400 new emails. All crap, but thats still a lotta email. I really liked it when I could post some of the more humorous email titles here, and respond to them in my own special way... but for a while now, theyve just been your garden-variety porn and credit card ads. Nothing really worth mentioning.
I did, however, find some in my latest batch that... although they are still the usual, are better than the norm. Enjoy...
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